5 Things that Will Increase in an NFL Lockout: NFL Fan

As a proud member of the Yahoo! Contributor Network, I have basically chosen to ignore the NFL lockout. Ostriches hide their heads in the sand to avoid danger. Husbands take naps to ignore "honey-do" lists. I have continued to write stories about the NFL in hopes that the lockout ends in time for a full slate of NFL action in 2011. However, the thought of the NFL lockout cancelling the season is terrifying.
As a New Orleans Saints fan, I cannot imagine what life would be like in the Big Easy in an NFL lockout. But maybe my fears of wretched boredom are understating our future perils. Baltimore Ravens LB Ray Lewis(notes) recently predicted that evil and crime will increase in an NFL lockout. However, I am hopeful that other more positive aspects of our world will increase in an NFL lockout. Take a look at the top five things that will increase without NFL football.
5. Church attendance
Let's face it. Tailgating is out of control. It's bad enough that we all spend three hours a week watching the NFL. But do we really need to hang out in the parking lot or at local bars before the game? Think how much better the world would be if Pittsburgh Steelers fans and Philadelphia Eagles supporters spent each Sunday morning at church during the lockout. We could always pray for the lockout to end while we're there.
4. Lawn care
I know. I know. Minnesota Vikings fans and New England Patriots fans won't be able to tend their gardens in an NFL lockout because everything is dead up north in the winter. But here in the south, everything is evergreen. Just imagine the wonderful smell of all the freshly cut lawns of Atlanta Falcons fans. And Dallas Cowboys fans will be able to trim their shrubberies in an NFL lockout. The south will be a more beautiful place to live in with an NFL lockout.
3. Retail spending
The fact is, most guys will be fortunate if all they're doing during the lockout is planting tomato seeds. More than likely, I foresee our "significant others" dragging us out to the local mall in the event of an NFL lockout. But hey, this article is about being positive. All that spending is likely to end the recession. New York Giants and Jets fans can take a cab to Fifth Avenue and help spur on economic growth in a lockout.
2. National test scores
Wives and girlfriends shouldn't be the only ones to benefit from an NFL lockout. Think of the children. If they're not watching football in 2011, our kids should have more time for homework and studying. Better yet, we will have more time to tutor them if we aren't wasting our time watching the NFL. For far too long, America's test scores have lagged behind other nations. In an NFL lockout, America's children could overtake China in math aptitude.
1. The population
Maybe going to church just isn't for you. Perhaps you live in an apartment and don't even have a lawn. You could put your foot down and refuse to walk around the mall for three hours carrying bags. And some parents may not be smarter than a 5^th grader. There are always other ways to pass the time if an NFL lockout takes place. Within a year, the population of Green Bay could double.
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